napowrimo day 20

by larapayne

in which I fully embrace sentiment and (perhaps) even cheesiness. This is not so poetical. But, it is felt.




Today a child’s toy carried me

out of my everyday, worrying, self.

I held the kaleidoscope, closed one eye

to look at my daughter. My heart opened

in a fast rush, to see her smile

caught and held,

but not one smile, twenty

of them. She laughed, and asked,

‘how many of me do you see,

a million?’ And I moved it a fraction

and her eye blinked, that eye

whose color I can never quite

fathom. Greedy, I turned the toy

in the direction of my baby. Rewarded

with twenty chins, and then twenty noses.

Each part of her perfect. Each part of them.

How long I waited, how much I tried, and every month

found me finding more ways things could go wrong. Even

something as minute as her heart beat can

unhinge me. Its never quite taken for granted ness.

Sometimes I think I could spend a whole day

saying thank you. Thank You: to every friend who helps me,

thank you to my family, who made me, thank you to the crazy

intense universe of living. I could fall

to my knees right now, struck

not speechless, but speech

full. Gratitude, rushing

through me. Cellular and infinite

all at the same time.